Tag Archive for: Humility

Get the relationships right

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As I help CEOs and senior executives develop strategy and execute that strategy with a good accountability process, I have come to realize that if we don’t get the relationships right, none of this matters.

John Maxwell said, “People buy into the leader, then the vision.” But many people have this all backwards. They believe that if the cause is good enough, people will automatically buy into it. But that’s not how leadership works. You have to get the relationships right. It’s good to inspire people with a worthy vision, but you have to care about the people you need to realize that vision at least as much as you care about the cause. Otherwise they feel used and will eventually shut down, disengage, resist, or quit.

Three things I know about relationships:

  1. Care. If people know you care they’ll get behind you and cut you a lot of slack. If they know you don’t, it won’t end well. You might get compliance as a boss, but it takes a true leader to get commitment. And you won’t get commitment if people don’t genuinely know you’re in their corner and have their back.
  2. Listen with humility. Notice your ask/tell ratio. It’s good to spend at least twice as much time listening than talking. People will open up and provide input if you know you are aren’t the smartest person in the room and that everyone has something to teach you. And empathic listening becomes easier and builds trust if you sincerely care about the answers you get.
  3. Authenticity breeds connection. When it comes to leadership, ability matters. But inner qualities matter more. To bring these inner qualities out you need to get comfortable with yourself and past the gimmicks, fads, and flavours of the month and be real with each other.

Twelve Indicators Of Authenticity

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For seven decades, leadership scholars have conducted thousands of studies to determine the traits of great leaders. Thankfully, none have constructed a clear profile of an ideal leader. There’s no single leadership style or approach to leadership you can imitate to become a great leader. We can certainly learn from others, but we all have to find our unique authentic self.

Being an authentic leader comes from being more fully who you are. It’s that simple and it’s that complex.

Here are twelve indicators of being authentic:

  1. A sense of purpose. Authentic people have a sense of purpose that gives them a reason to get up in the morning and keep walking through the hard times.
  2. They resist conformity. Authentic people don’t need others to validate their worth. They can express their opinions openly when needed. Not to be compliant or defiant, but simply to be honest.
  3. Deep-seated curiosity. Authentic people are life-long learners and actively pursue feedback from others.
  4. The courage to be vulnerable. They have a close community where they share their struggles, fears, values, self-doubts, dreams, uncertainties, grief, and deepest joy – so they are comfortable bringing the full spectrum of their humanity to the world.
  5. They care about others. They are present and engaged, taking time to listen, tune in, and sincerely value others.
  6. They own their mistakes. Authentic people take responsibility for their actions, including their mistakes. and can admit when they are wrong.
  7. Humility. They know they are never the smartest person in the room and shine the light on others.
  8. They know their values, set good boundaries, and can say no.
  9. They work for the greater good. They are committed to service over self-interest.
  10. They respect others. Authentic people value of diversity, and are not threatened by, but welcome and celebrate differences. They seek to understand as many alternative work views as deeply as they can.
  11. They are accountable. They show up. You can count on authentic people.
  12. Authentic people are self-accepting. They know they can’t always exhibit some of these traits and somehow find a way to be okay with their imperfect humanity.

Tag a leader in your life that demonstrates these traits.

Imposter Syndrome: It’s Not Your Enemy

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If you have ever felt like an imposter in your job, you are not alone. Many of us have moments when we feel that we are not properly qualified and it is only a matter of time before someone realizes that there has been some terrible mistake and we should not be in our position.

If you ever find yourself feeling like an imposter, here are three questions to ask yourself for a quick reality check so you can stay authentic and avoid the funk.

  1. Where am I growing? Feeling like an imposter likely means that you are growing and thus uncomfortable. It’s actually a barometer that indicates progress and comes with growth. While some anxiety always accompanies growth, you don’t need to get anxious about being anxious.
  2. Where’s my community? Authenticity is a lonely journey, but it can’t be done alone. We all need a community of confidants, trusted advisors, peer mentors, or coaches. What you don’t want is to go through the imposter syndrome alone. Be sure you have a community of support on the growth journey.
  3. How can I stay courageous? Imposter syndrome is an indicator of self-awareness as well as humility. Appreciate these qualities and stay connected to your courage – to keep growing, realizing your vision, and contributing your gifts. Don’t let passing thoughts that your success is undeserved or illegitimately achieved deter you from having the courage to stay the course.

Bullies make bad boxers

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There’s a saying in most boxing gyms: “Bullies make bad boxers.”

We all know them. Big macho dudes in the gym thinking they’ll prove their worth by pounding on everyone smaller than them.

But bullies are cowards. Afraid to expose their fears and insecurities. Ego maniacs with an inferiority complex. And it doesn’t take long before a mature boxer puts them in their place on the mat. After their weakness is exposed, they usually leave and you never see them again. There’s a clear message in good boxing gyms: “Bullies don’t belong here, and bullying behavior is unacceptable and won’t be tolerated.”

The best boxers are actually often the ones who have been bullied. They come with courage and humility, open to an honest evaluation of their strengths and weakness. They have no need to bring down those who are weaker than them. Instead, they have a burning desire to be all they are capable of being – by learning from those who are better than they are.

Muhammad Ali, at the peak of his career, was asked what he would do if a complete stranger slugged him. Ali responded, “I’d turn and run ‘cause that man must be craazzy!”

Ali was no coward. He could have easily beaten up just about anyone on the planet, and he knew it. But he was no bully. He was confident and had no need to prove himself by hurting anyone who didn’t stand a chance against him.

This is where boxing and leadership intersect. Bullies make bad leaders. There are people in organizations who use their title to abuse others. Like bullies in the boxing ring who try to show their worth by hitting people weaker than them, bullies in the workplace hide from their insecurities and turn to the cowardly actions of control, coercion, and abuse of power.

And, just like bullies in the boxing ring, bullies in the workplace need to be put in their place – by their boss or their board – and told, in no uncertain terms, that disrespectful, abusive behavior is unacceptable and won’t be tolerated.

May we have the courage and humility to face ourselves honestly and take a stand against people who abuse their power. May we all have the courage to do the right thing at the right time.

How To Inspire People Through Basic Human Goodness

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John Coltrane, the American jazz saxophonist and composer, once said that to be a better artist you have to be a better person. He could have been talking about leadership. We understand that leadership is too important to be diminished to techniques or titles. Leadership is about the character and integrity of a person. It’s about presence, not position. It’s about being, first and foremost, a good person.

I don’t think enough is said about what it takes to develop that presence, what it means to be a good person first before you can be a good leader.

Here are some of my thoughts about what it means to be a good person and what it takes to get there.

Humility. Humility is a true evaluation of conditions as they are; a willingness to face facts. One fact of leadership is that while you might get promoted to being a boss, you don’t get promoted to being a leader. You aren’t a leader until someone declares you one. You have to earn it. And you start to earn it by being willing to face the reality of how people perceive you.

Honesty. Being a good person doesn’t mean being perfect or trying to make the impression that you have it all together. It means that you are willing to see your blind spots, willing to see how your actions impact others, and have the courage to make the necessary changes.

Accountability. Accountability is the ability to be counted on. It means showing up. It means never making a promise you don’t intend to keep. It means deciding, once and for all, that all blame is a waste of time and that complaining is a defense against the courage to act.

Caring. Caring is everything. People will cut you a lot of slack if they know you care. And they won’t give you room for error if they know you don’t care. You can’t fake caring. It goes back to honesty.

CARING IS EVERYTHING – Getting To The Heart Of Humanity, Leadership, and Life

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We are all inspired by random acts of kindness, particularly this time of year.

But does our caring have to be random? What if we decide to be more intentional in our actions?

Caring has a pervasive, enduring influence on the well-being of those around us. Caring impacts who we are as people and the places we work and live. So, considering caring intentions for this holiday season, I propose, that along with your to-do list, we make a TO-BE list.

Here’s mine:

  1. Be Kind. In Charlie Mackesy’s book, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse, the mole and the boy have a conversation: “I’m so small,” said the mole. “Yes,” replied the boy, “but you can make a huge difference.” Then the mole asked what the boy wanted to be when he grew up. “Kind,” said the boy. Now that’s a worthy goal for any of us.
  2. Be Generous. I know of a family who decided, this year, that instead of buying presents for each other they adopted a Ukrainian refugee family to ensure they all have warm clothes and love this holiday season.
  3. Be Curious. A caring way to de-rail an activated stress response is to get curious. While being angry may be an understandable response, it only worsens it. Curiosity transforms anger into understanding, opens the door to empathy and compassion, helps solve the problem more effectively, and lowers your blood pressure.
  4. Be Present. When on vacation it seems the places I visit are more beautiful than where I live. But, is the place really more beautiful or am I noticing something I take for granted in my day-to-day life? When my wife was hanging her Christmas bells this week, I stopped to be present to her joy, which in turn brought joy to me. What makes a task valuable and life meaningful is the quality of the attention we give to it in the present moment.
  5. Be Patient. Practicing patience is having the maturity and composure to be kind – even when we don’t feel like it. When stressed, overwhelmed, and surrounded by impatience, it is even more important to find compassion for people around us.
  6. Be Thoughtful. Being thoughtful of others starts with being thoughtful within ourselves. Over the coming holiday season, take time to reflect on what truly matters. Step away from the clamor of the demands of others and the noise of social media and think about what’s in your heart. Take time to meditate, to be grateful, and enjoy a sunset. Hug the people you love. Make time to listen with empathy to someone who thinks differently about the world than you do. Take your dog for a longer walk. Embrace each moment, for you’ll never know if the next one will come along.